sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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