Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
