fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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