Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
True strength comes from lack of pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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