Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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