I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
