The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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