i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
