Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize