Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
