Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize