you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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