I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
