after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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