if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
