So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
