I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
