I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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