One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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