Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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