Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's just like the Real World with babies
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
