you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
