dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
