I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
