I hate your face
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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