I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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