Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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