My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
