You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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