That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
