this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
