Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
