I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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