They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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