Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
