long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
