STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
