WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
