Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
