I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
