I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
