I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
