Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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