We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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