a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
