My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize