You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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