I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
