I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
