Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
