your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
