Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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