when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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