I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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