Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
