I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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