Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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