There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need help removing her.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
