i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
