Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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