He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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