Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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