I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
