Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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